Mel Robbins is an ivy-educated criminal lawyer, and one of the top career and relationship experts in America. She does a great lecture on TedxSF on how to stop screwing yourself. She goes on to say that 1/3 of Americans are dissatisfied with their lives, that would mean, 100 million people, dissatisfied!! (And you can’t find someone to sit for a 10 minute coffee?)
She claims this is caused because people refuse to address “the things” they really want in life. And with all the amazing opportunity for self help these days, experts are putting out information everywhere. Want to start a business? You can buy books, google a hundred blogs, or get free on-line training. Someone has already done it and/ or is current doing it, and is willing to give step by step instructions on how to “do it.” So the question arises, why don’t you have what you really want? It all boils down to one word. “F*@#,” the F-bomb, tossed around carelessly without thinking, the four letter F-word is “Fine.” Now in social settings you may want to play your cards a little closer to your chest, there’s just some information you may not want to reveal at an office party. But saying “Fine” to ourselves, well I’ll ask you, is it acceptable? “I’m Fine” being overweight and it’s led to blood pressure problems, “I’m Fine,” knowing my spouse is having an affair. “I’m Fine.” Living paycheck to paycheck. Really? I don’t think so.
But here’s the brilliance about saying your “Fine.” Because when you say you’re “Fine,” then you don’t have to do anything about it. As we journey to discover how to expand our comfort zone and we run around saying we’re “Fine?” Being “Fine” is not a word that will help us expand, but I feel it will cause us to become complacent, self-defeated victors. The very conditions we want in life, we convince ourselves that we are “Fine” not having them. “I’m Fine” I just lost my job and I can’t pay my bills, “I’m Fine” My spouse and I grew apart and is filing for divorce. In my estimate this is among the worst of negative self-talk, because it saps the true power of the unsung hero to pursue, to change and wear the crown of their hearts desire, meaning Bliss.
Scientist have calculated the odds of you being born. They have crunched the numbers and took into account wars, plagues, natural disasters, etc. After crunching the numbers, they figure that YOU being born at this place in time, to the parents you have, with your DNA structure. The odds of you being born at this time in history are 1: 400 Trillion. You are truly nature’s greatest miracle. We are not fine we are fantastic !!! And we were created for a purpose. We have numerous ideas every day and what do we do with them? Mel says we hit the snooze button, because we wait for a feeling. ( Is this why we nurture our burning desire?) How many people “Feel” like going out and shoveling snow for 6 hours because of last night’s snow storm? Not me, But we “Do It.” We often do things we don’t feel like doing, but this is done by force, we force ourselves. If we have an impulse of talking to a stranger across the room and don’t “Do It” in 5 seconds, we’ll reach for the brake. Scientist define “Force” as activation energy, giving us the 5 second rule, if we don’t act on an impulse in 5 seconds we hit the snooze, grab the brake and the idea dies or the opportunity is lost. All This isn’t about what you feel like doing, it’s about getting you what you want.
So, how are fear, guilt, anger, unworthiness and hurt feelings great tools for expanding the comfort zone? Great Question, I can’t wait for the answer.